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Keep listening
Dating(1) - did I say something wrong?
Dating (2) - phone calls are different
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Hyperfocus rules!

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Dating(1) - did I say something wrong?

Everything went so well. Almost too well. There was this click. So obvious. And the conversation went  as smooth as can be – you understood each other perfectly and you were there with your attention all the time. Well, ok, almost all the time – at the end you may have lost a bit, but you’re quite certain she didn’t notice.

But suddenly, just out of the blue, it was over and gone. There was still a conversation going on, but there was this sudden distance as if you lost a connection somewhere. Did you say something wrong?

  • Yes, you absolutely did. But everybody does. If there was this click, it shouldn’t have mattered.

  • Perhaps there was something you didn’t say. Or asked. That is also something everybody does, but it is crucial sometimes. Did you talk too much about yourself? Perhaps. Shit happens. Better luck next  time.

  • Actually she did notice your absence of mind at the end. It did look like you were not really interested anymore. Some are motivated by that, but for some it is a turn off. And she is one of the latter. She might have thought that she was the one that said something wrong… See the good advice below.

  • Something reminded her of the fact that she had a boy friend. This can happen to anyone. Hope you enjoyed it for the time it lasted.

  • It’s not her, it’s you. You and your misbehaving neurons. You may have thought that you were there, for her did not look that way. Not just at the end, but all the time. Perhaps you just didn’t look good, perhaps you looked like you were not truly interested, perhaps you looked far too cool. Perhaps this click was not that obvious after all. Pitty.

Some good advice:

  • Don’t start too soon about how your brain works (or doesn’t work). Though this may be very interesting, it does definitely not make someone feel attracted to you. Try to sense what would be a good time to start about it and then count to ten. Or rather to twenty. Or hundred.

  • Don’t be dramatic about it. You are a bit more absent minded than some others, but also much more creative. Something like that.

  • Talk about what moves you and be enthusiastic about it.

  • Ask things.

  • Listen with the objective to find the best next question.

  • Nod, shake, say things like ‘yeah’, ‘nope’, ‘really’ and ‘wow’ a lot more than you tend to.

  • Read the section on listening.

  • Always be in love, but never so much that you're not listening.



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